Wednesday, January 27, 2010

A bit better

I'm exhausted, but I'm feeling a bit better than I was on Monday.

On Tuesday, I was driving to meet a friend for lunch. The sun was out.

I realized it had been a LONG time since I'd see the sun. Generally, I drive to work in the dark. I don't leave the building for lunch. I don't have any windows in my cubical. I drive home in the dark. It had been rainy all weekend. Anyway, during that drive, I could honestly feel my spirits rising as the sun reflected off the snow and into my car. Apparently, I may need to increase my dosage of my vitamin D supplements...or go on vacation somewhere sunny. But the vitamin D option is more likely.

I was reading my church newsletter last night. In her column, my pastor wrote about courageous hearts and winter, where trees and animals bravely endure the harsh weather. I loved the sound of the phrase, courageous heart. Courage, according to my pastor, doesn't mean holding on tight to make it through. It means you rely on God's strength to give us the confidence we need. Pastor Joy wrote,

"It is not until we have faced some winters in our lives, some challenges and struggles, that we are able to know our own courage and understand just how brave we can be when it is necessary to have a courageous heart."

In light of my feelings and my attitude the other day, these words really resonated with me. The miscarriage and the amount of time it's taken us to have a baby is really one of the few big trials in my life. Even though I obviously have my moments of weakness, I have surprised myself at my courage to get through these struggles. I believe that I have this courage because of the support of my family, friends and also, very importantly, my faith. It's my faith that makes me know that I have the strength to make it through. It's my faith that gives me hope that there will be a day when we're blessed with a child. 



What are your thoughts? I'd love to hear.