4 weeks

It's already been four weeks since the little man has arrived. Each and every minute of the last four weeks has been cherished.

In those four weeks, much has changed.

Now I live my life in 3 hour increments. And man, time goes much faster when you live life this way.

Now my little man depends on me for his nourishment. For his sense of security. For his survival. No one has ever depended on me like this before.

I've experienced the hopelessness you feel when your baby is in pain and there isn't anything that can be done except to rock him and hold him closer (and give him gas drops and tummy rubs).

I've experienced love like I've never felt before. There are not enough hugs and kisses in this world that could express to my baby how much I love him.

I've experienced so much joy. The joy of watching my husband sing to the little guy. The joy of watching friends and family love on my boy. It's so incredible that there is so much love for something Dave and I created. Never have I done anything in my life before that brings out so much love and joy from people. I love sharing him with others.

But I love mommy and son time so much too.


I've experienced how frustrating it can be when you're so tired, you just break down in tears, because you're little one won't go to sleep. But then, two seconds later, I've experienced the sense of accomplishment of rocking that cute little bundle sleeping your arms.

My world has become more beautiful. My son is beautiful. Watching my husband and my son together is beautiful. Watching my son and my nieces is beautiful. Watching my son meet his grandparents and aunts and uncles is amazing.

My baby and I are learning so much about each other. I'm learning his schedule. His cries. His grunts. I've learned that when he poops, he's going to be hungry in 5 minutes. And if he's hungry and hasn't pooped yet, he will almost immediately after he starts eating. He's learned how to eat. He's learning how to hold his head up and he's strengthening his neck. He's growing so much. My skinny little boy is filling out and getting heavier.

And when people tell you that when you're a mom, you'll talk about poop; they're not kidding. The color of poop. The amount of poop. The sound of pooping. The sound of a 2nd round of poop. Being pooped on. Poop is good.

These last four weeks have been the most rewarding four weeks thus far in my life. If I there is one word to some it up, it is LOVE. I'm surrounded by love. I'm experiencing love more deeply and more authentic. I'm love my boy. I love my family. I love that we are finally parents. I love my many blessings from God. I'm in love.

J.B.

Owen's birth story

Boy, how much life can change in a week.

Last Thursday morning I was convinced that I was going past my due date and would be heading in to work on Monday morning.

Little did I know that Boo had different plans.

That evening while watching The Office, I started getting contractions. I wasn't sure if it was the real thing. The contractions weren't very strong. Dave could actually feel my stomach tighten before I could feel the discomfort. So they were really hard to time. Dave wanted it to be real. He went to the store to buy me some spicy jalapeno potato chips to snack on. He told me to get up and walk around (I wanted to take a nap in case it was real...I had worked that day and was tired).

It wasn't long before I realized this was going to be it. I took a shower (supposedly if it's not real, the shower will slow things down), but in my case, things kept getting more painful. The contractions were pretty close together -- they were never longer than 4 minutes apart. I spent the next hour or so on our exercise ball breathing through the contractions. Then we called the doctor. At this point, the contractions were lasting 50 seconds and between 2 1/2 - 3 1/2 minutes apart. So the doctor told us to go in to the hospital and get checked.

We left for the hospital around midnight. We still had some stuff we needed to pack. The dogs had to go outside one last time. And I was moving a little slower that usual as my contractions were getting worse.

We made the half-hour drive to the hospital. As this point, the contractions were coming every two minutes. I definitely had to breath through them. Once we got to the hospital, we left our bag in the car. Thinking we'd make sure we got admitted first before lugging the suitcase through the hospital.

I got checked by the nurse around 12:30 a.m. and was still only dialated 3 cm. That was a little disappointing to hear because my contractions were hurting. Bad. My blood pressure was elevated though, so they wanted to keep me. So I was admitted!

We decided to call my sister, Becky, to let her know were were admitted. She was going to join us in the delivery room. Dave left a voice mail saying that we were only 3 cm and they wanted to monitor my blood pressure and would keep her posted as we didn't know how long things would go. The contractions were happening fast, and Dave was doing great at coaching me through them, so we hadn't called anyone else yet.

I had to get my platelets checked to make sure I could get an epidural. As I prepared for labor, I knew that an epidural may not be an option, so I tried to prepare myself as much as I could for a natural labor. Yoga classes. Childbirth prep class. Labor relaxation techniques class. Reading books. So my birth plan was that I'd go without any drugs as long as possible. But it was honestly more painful that I imagined. Actually, I think the pain wasn't so much out of my realm of imagination. The bad part was how frequent the contractions were happening. I was feeling like I wasn't getting any break from the pain. At one point I asked the nurse how often they check my progress, and the nurse said every two hours.

But when we got the blood tests results back, and my platelets were high enough, I said I needed the epidural. Stat. I figured the pain would only continue to get worse and I still had hours and hours of labor left. So the nurse left to call the anesthesiologist for the epidural. And by this point my sister had arrived.

It was about 1:45 a.m. I'd been there for an hour and fifteen minutes.

All of a sudden, I had a crazy contraction. I felt all this pressure like I needed to push.

So I tell Dave that I need to push.

He yells at me to not do it. And I yell back to call the nurse.

She comes in and said she'd check me and if I was less than 10 cm, I could still get an epidural.

So she checks and says, "You're just about ready."

And then things got a little crazy. I had my eyes closed at this point. Just trying to focus. But there was a lot of commotion. Three or four nurses came in to get everything ready for birth. Getting towels and blankets and bowls. Taking off the end of the bed. Getting the stuff ready for the baby.

It was about 2:00 a.m.

Thank goodness my doctor happened to already be at the hospital. The nurse had me pushing before the doctor got in the room. She got in their as the baby was crowning and pretty much just caught the baby.

At 2:24 a.m., Owen Michael was born. 5 pounds, 15 ounces. 19 inches. A perfectly healthy little peanut.

When he was placed on my chest, it was the most amazing experience ever. One of the first things I thought was the relief that the labor was done. Owen was here! My son was in my arms! All the waiting and the trials we went through to get to this point were done. I was a mom. We were parents. We have a family. A beautiful baby boy. I was thanking God for this moment and bringing this little boy into my life.

It all happened so fast. Our bag was still in the car (and our camera). Thank goodness for cell phones! We hadn't called anyone yet in the family yet to let them know were were in labor. It was fun to call them to say that Owen is here!

This past week has gone so fast. We've been getting settled in. He eats and sleeps a lot. But he's been a great little guy. And we love him so much.

J.B.

39 weeks!

We've really made it to the home stretch! It's so sureal that within the next couple of days -- or hours -- or weeks yet if he's stubborn, our little guy will be in our arms!



I had my weekly doctor appointment today. We had an appointment just last Friday, so I was happy to hear that things have progressed in the last couple of days. I'm now 2 cm dilated and the baby is lower too. We're having a crazy wind storm, so I'm hoping that it might bring more progress.



Although I'm 39 weeks and some days pregnant, I still managed to go to my yoga class. Yoga has been such great thing for me throughout this pregnancy. The fact that can still get into yoga poses at this stage in the game has been really empowering. And I think it's helped me stay comfortable too. It wasn't until this past Saturday that I first felt my back getting pretty sore.


That's pretty much all I have for now. Being pregnant has been a great adventure, but I'm really looking forward to what comes next!

J.B.

Dropping?

I've had to take some self portraits to document the pregnancy as of late, since Dave is out of town and the pups refuse to take my picture.

Today I've gotten comments from two people that it looks like Boo has started dropping. What do you think? I'm not totally convinced...although I have had to pee more. But I think it's too close to tell....it doesn't help that I'm wearing two different shirts (but both polka dots). Enjoy the fake smile while you're at it.

37 weeks.

38 weeks

J.B.

Won't you light my candle?

We recently honored/observed (not sure what's the right word) the one year anniversary of our miscarriage. I started, but didn't really have the words to write a coherent blog post about it. To make my thoughts more scattered was the fact that right before the anniversary, my old roommate caught me up on what was going on in her life.

At her 19-week ultrasound, she found out their baby didn't develop kidneys. That basically meant that her baby couldn't survive outside the womb. Before the ultrasound, the baby appeared to be growing well and thriving. She could feel her kicks. So finding out her baby was sick was devastating. At that time, the doctors told her that the baby would continue to grow to full-term and then die within hours of being born. But, their baby actually died one year and six days after Chubby.

Her situation is no doubt more complicated than mine was. But it's still a loss of a baby, and a loss of hopes and dreams for that particular child. But not all hopes and dreams of having children have to die.

I pray for my roommate and for others who have experienced such a loss that not all hopes and dreams for the families that they want to have are lost.

As Dave and I talked about Chubs and the anniversary of our miscarriage, the thing that really touched both of us was how much can change in a year. After the miscarriage, it just seemed like our journey to have a family was such a long road -- and we were moving on that road painfully slow. I was hopeful we would have a family someday, but I just didn't imagine it could happen within a year. But it did. And we're so thankful.

And for some twisted reason, being pregnant again and preparing for our little guy has helped the grieving and healing process. That's another thing we talked about. From the loss of Chubby, we were given the gift of Boo. "Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."*

Chubby is part of our story. He always will be. Our dream was to be parents, and he made that come true. He taught us about hope and preserverence. He taught us about grieving and healing. He taught Dave and I that we need to rely on each other for support, especially during difficult times.

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, so I'm inviting you to take a moment and think about all those who were lost. Today I'm taking this moment to finally publish a post of scattered thoughts of my miscarriage experience. And, tonight I'll be lighting a candle in memory of Chubs.

J.B.

Gracie plays hide and seek

We have a cat. Remember?

I was uploading some video from my phone onto the computer and this one of Gracie hiding completely under the covers makes me smile.

J.B.

Wage your guess

The countdown for the big day is definitely underway. As of today, there are 19 days u till my due date -- we're in the teens! Of course, Boo's birthdate could be earlier or later than his due date....all of which we'll be finding out in a couple of weeks. I had fun reading everyone's guesses when I posted about guessing Boo's gender, and now it's time to get everyone's guesses for Boo's birth.

This time, everyone should leave comments guessing Boo's birthdate, height and weight.

Here's some quick facts that may or may not be helpful in your guess...

• This is my first kid
• At my 36 week appointment, I hadn't really started dialating or effacing
• Today at my 37 week appointment, I was 1 cm dilated, 50% effaced and had a -1 station
• I also haven't really had many contractions or other signs of labor
• I was born one week after my due date
• Dave was born on time, but was induced
• My sister had both of her kids 10 days early
• Dave is out of town until Oct. 21
• My due date is Oct. 31
• My ultrasounds showed due dates ranging from Oct. 29 - Nov. 2
• My measurements have been on track

Leave your guess in the comments!
J.B.